Therapy for Navigating Your 20s & 30s
The second and third decades of life are a time full of big decisions and life changes, at the same time you’re trying to figure out who and how you want to be in this world. The questions people often ask themselves at this stage in their life (and bring to therapy) are things like:
who am I?
what do I believe in?
why don’t I feel like I belong?
why aren’t I happy?
how do I want to spend my time?
is this how I want to earn a living?
how do I know if I want a family?
how can I cope with this loss?
why can’t I stop repeating these patterns?
how do I make this decision?
why am I picking the wrong partners?
why do I think this way?
why is it so hard for me to trust?
why aren’t I the partner I want to be?
why can’t I stop worrying?
why do I react this way?
how do I be the parent I want to be?
how do I balance work and the rest of life?
why am I different from everyone else?
Often, people think life will just come together, or get better, when they get older—and are disappointed and confused when they get there, and find that they don’t feel the way they expected to feel.
As you reach your 20s or 30s, you might feel like you’re not quite the person you wanted to be. That life isn’t quite what you thought it would be.
In these life stages, we all run into “stuff”. Relationship problems, family problems, work problems. Low self-esteem, perfectionism, self-defeating behaviors. Difficulty coping, communication issues… general life dissatisfaction. The list goes on, and, seriously, you’re not the only one. It’s hard to make the best version of yourself just “happen” when you reach adulthood.
Often, our experiences in childhood shape our thoughts and actions in ways that—though helpful and necessary at the time—just don’t make us happy as adults.
It may be that you can look back at your life and clearly see traumatic events that influenced the way you think about yourself and the world. Or, maybe you just see some stuff that was less than perfect, and figure, “OK, maybe that wasn't ideal, but I got through it, right?”
Whether we see what we consider to be “big stuff”, “little stuff”, or a little bit of everything in our rear view mirrors, past conditioning holds so many of us back from being the adults we wish we were.
It’s common to reach adulthood and realize that even though you may have more control over your life as an adult, you feel really dissatisfied with it.
This can show up in lots of different ways:
It might feel like tension in your stomach or jaw, and always feeling nervous or on edge. It might look like memories of the past surfacing, and constant unsuccessful efforts to try to forget them or not let them affect you.
It could be a steady stream of harsh, judgmental thoughts about yourself or the people around you (hi, inner critic!). Or it might feel hopeless and heavy, like a dark storm cloud is following you around and you’re the only one who can see or feel it.
It could be worrying about getting everything perfect all the time. Or it could look like friendships and romantic relationships that just… never seem to work out.
Maybe you’ve been super-stressed for ages, thinking and talking about how you’re going to work self-care into your routine for a while now, but it just hasn’t panned out.
Or you’ve realized you have the same constant criticisms of your partner over and over again—or they do, of you.
There might be something else, maybe even something you can’t quite put your finger on—all you know is you’re hoping life gets better than this, because this isn’t what you hoped for.
This is actually a normal part of human development—there’s nothing wrong with you. Even though it might not look the same on others as it feels on you, many of the people around you are experiencing something similar.
And the good news is, we continue to grow and develop throughout our entire lives—not just when we’re young. Even though these challenges often aren’t easy to just figure out on our own (despite best efforts analyzing thoughts, journaling, or watching self-help TikToks), there’s hope. You have within you all the potential you need to continue to grow into the person you want to be, and live the life you want. Talking to someone about it is a great place to start.
Through deep, gentle exploration of both mind and body, we can find where your hurt is coming from, and you can start to feel better about who you are and how you show up in the world.
If you’ve hit the age when you thought you would have everything figured out, but you’re not feeling confident and comfy in your head, heart, or body, let’s talk. Setting yourself up for the life you want and deserve is a gift only you can give to yourself. I want to support you in discovering the best version of yourself and learning how to be you in a way that lets you breathe easy and live the life you deserve.